“My Life in Blended Families”
By: Dr. Wil Greer
As a “Warrior Brother” I have to pay homage to the two most important Warrior Women in my life: my mother and my wife. My mother had me at 19. She was a student at San Bernardino Valley College, but dropped out after I was conceived. My early childhood was amazing. My mother taught me how to read, we played board games,we went over math on a chalkboard that she bought and used for home lessons, and our house was filled with laughter. I remember my stepfather being a kind man who always found a reason to celebrate me and take me out on fun excursions. I didn’t realize until years later that he wasn’t my actual father. It was a wonderful time.
However, when I was maybe five or six, my mother and stepfather became addicted to crack cocaine. My life changed, considerably. Before the drugs my family lived in a nice townhouse in San Mateo, a small city in Northern California, just below San Francisco and right across the Bay Bridge from Oakland. I remember everyone saying that my stepfather had “a good job,” and that we lived nice. After the drugs he and my mom split. She moved back to San Bernardino, a Southern California town about 30 minutes east of Los Angeles County. I first lived with my Grandmother Lillie in San Mateo. Within a year I was shipped to San Bernardino to be closer to my mom. There, I stayed with my Uncle Leon in his apartment, with my Aunt Del and her family in their apartment, with my Uncle Ronny in his car, and finally, with my otherwise absent biological father at his parent’s house.
During this time, I remember being hungry, not having clean or fitting clothes, and going to school irregularly. I remember being shot at by some men who were trying to kill one of my uncles, and having an older cousin who regularly pulled a knife on me. But most of all I just remember wanting my mother to come help me. It took a few years, but before I turned 10 she indeed showed up, and she had the man with her who would go on to be my dominant father figure to this day. He too was kind, loving, and made me feel like I was his child. Remarkably, my mom was able to get clean and stay sober. She got a job as a secretary, and my stepfather worked as a janitor at a car dealership in San Bernardino. He often took me to work with him during his late night shifts, and for helping him clean the building I was paid a sum of $10 a month. I didn’t care about the money; I liked hanging out with my new dad. During those nights he gave me some crucial advice. He would always say, “Wil, you better take school seriously young man, or you will end up pushing this mop like me.”
My mom and stepdad were able to build a nice life together. They bought a house in Rialto, had two kids together, and made sure our lives were stable. We had roaches, not a lot of frills, but we had each other, and I was fine with that.
Nineteen years after my mother dropped out, I was a student at San Bernardino Valley College. I transferred to UC Riverside, met my friend Wendy Whitmore (but soon Whitmore-Burrell), and after graduating I took a job as a world and American history teacher. During my first year of teaching I got reacquainted with the woman who would become my wife, Tanya. She and I went to high school together and knew each other, but were not close friends. As fate would have it, we were now teaching in the same school district and repeatedly ran into each other. After seeing her twice I decided to shoot my shot. It didn’t work. She had a boyfriend and a baby.
But I’ve always been lucky. Three months later we ran into each other again. She had split from her boyfriend, who was also the father of her child. This time I had to shoot a three-pointer. I wanted to go out with her, but despite having a full time job as a teacher I was broke. (I was recovering from years of payday loans and money borrowing, so my first several checks as a teacher went to rent, bills, food, and the payday loan spot on Foothill in Rialto.) I asked her out again, this time to a comedy club, but with the caveat that she would have to pay for us up front, and I would pay her back.
Thankfully she agreed, and that told me a lot about her spirit and character. We went out on a Friday night. The next day I called her, and we had an 11 hour phone conversation. We talked about everything from politics, to religion, to culture, history, family, and our future plans. On every major item she and I were in agreement. I had never experienced a connection with another person like that. Two days later we went to see a movie, and, as crazy as it sounds, we moved in together the following week. That was 15 years ago. We’ve been married for 14 years and have been together ever since that phone call.
Of course, when I got my wife I inherited a daughter as well. As a father I’ve tried to draw from the best of the male figures in my life, while also honoring all that my mother taught and gave me. Though my daughter and I have gone through our growing pains, being a dad remains the most important role I play in life. My wife and I have a son together. I can’t imagine him or my daughter waking up and not having me down the hall from them, or being able to come to me anytime they need help. Ultimately, family comes down to love and commitment. I love them, I am committed to protecting and nurturing them, and that is a commitment that I cherish.
Facebook: Wil Greer, Instagram: @wil_greer
