By: Eboni Freeman
Confidence means feeling sure of yourself and your abilities — not in an arrogant way, but in a realistic, secure way. Confidence isn’t about feeling superior to others. It’s a quiet inner knowledge that you’re capable. Confident people feel secure rather than insecure.
If you can visualize yourself as confident then it’s attainable. Also, consistently speak positive affirmations over yourself. Positive self-talk creates an atmosphere of positive energy. Being courageous and actually following through on things that initially scare you is one sure way to increase your confidence. Other ideas such as setting yourself up for the win, helping others along the way and self-care increases confidence.
Happiness is a critical element of confidence, because in order to be confident in what you do, you have to be happy with who you are.
Since childhood I can say that I’ve been a pretty confident person. At a young age I didn’t think of it in those terms, but as I look back over my life, self-confidence and the belief that I had in myself helped me push through many life circumstances. I grew up knowing I wanted to become an educator and after encountering both my 1st and 3rd grade teachers Ms. Norell and Mrs. Ball the visual image formulated in my mind. They were the most beautiful and elegant teachers I had ever met. They were firm and loving at the same time, but they carried themselves with such confidence and I wanted to be just like them. Although I didn’t know then, they were the confirmation to what I visualized for myself as I stood in the hallway of my apartment with my dolls and teddy bears lined up along the wall as if they were my students. The funny part is I was only in 1st grade when I taught my first “class”. I later became an elementary school teacher. Confident people set goals and crush them.
Transitioning to Jr. High, the most awkward stage in growing up, my confidence level went on a rollercoaster ride. I moved from Los Angeles to Rancho Cucamonga and struggled to find my place. Not very many kids look like me. I spent a lot of time fighting, constantly defending myself and also putting others down. On the other hand, I was meeting new people and establishing friendships that still exists to this day. Hey! Don’t judge me. I told you Jr. High was awkward. That time period was all about self-discovery.
My Jr. High experience helped me to prepare for the relationship and experiences that I would encounter in High School. For the most part I was able to meet and socialize with others in various settings. I was happy with me. Many of my friends carried that same fire and confidence as I did. Self-confident people surround themselves with like-minded people. In order to better learn how to be self-confident you should surround yourself with people that already are. There were times that others weren’t comfortable with me. This is especially important and makes me reflect back to my high school days as a cheerleader and dancer. I was one of the only black girls that participated consistently and others always tried to put me down or attempted to make me feel a certain way about why I participated in those activities. Self-confident people know that what they want from life won’t be the same as what someone else wants. You don’t need anyone’s approval to live the life you want. Be proud of what you want and be willing to make it happen despite anyone else’s opinion or criticism. During these times, I had to draw from the self-confidence that was inside of me. I was secure in the fact that it was ok for me to do activities that I enjoyed. But on the flip side I have had moments that I felt a lack of confidence, but that usually occurs when I am acting outside of my core values or when I’m not being true to who I am.
Knowing your worth is critical and it’s an essential characteristic of a person with self- confidence. Make yourself a priority. When you start making yourself a priority, you’ll instantly feel more confident because you’re showing yourself how important and worthy YOU are. It starts with the belief that you have in yourself and when others compliment you it’s not awkward to receive them without doubting their intentions. Be in tune with your body and your needs. Make a conscious decision to participate in activities that you enjoy without feeling guilty, whether that means making time for your favorite dance class, getting more sleep, or preparing more home-cooked meals. It’s not uncommon to find me at my favorite nail salon, massage parlor, shopping mall, social events, church or just simply relaxing on a regular basis.
Embracing who I am as a confident woman has helped me realize my purpose! Confidence is not perfection. Getting to the point where you truly have self-confidence doesn’t happen overnight, but your experiences help to shape how you view yourself. I view myself as a masterpiece and all masterpieces are uniquely different. My self-confidence allows me to look beyond my flaws and accept who I am in all aspects of my life. I experience plenty of setbacks and failures, but I don’t stop there. I bounce back, readjust and strategically plan my next move.
