When people encounter my family I often hear comments like… “I don’t know how she does it!”, “She’s crazy…there is no way!”, “Wow!”…and the list goes on. I finally came to the conclusion that they don’t understand the power of the love that fuels our unique situation.

It was in July of 2009 when I met Brian Fitz, a single dad of two adorable kids. Savannah was five and Brian was three. I too was single raising my beautiful daughter, Ekiah, age thirteen. Months after dating Brian, I lost one of the loves of my life to suicide, my brother, Mack. I was heartbroken, distant, and angry. I was definitely not in the right emotional state to fall in love or be loved. During this time, God revealed Brian’s heart and spirit to me. Brian was my rock and gave me exactly what I needed to push through. After the dust settled, I knew I loved this man.

Before things went any further, I informed Brian that my daughter’s father, Hezekiah and I were co-parenting. I wanted Brian to be clear about Hezekiah’s involvement before investing any more time. Brian wholeheartedly wanted to continue the relationship. I informed Brian that I needed to get acquainted with his ex-wife, Kristen, for the sake of their kids. As you can imagine, Brian had to process this a lot longer. After some convincing, Brian understood that my objective was not to create drama rather healthy relationships between the adults and our kids.

Kristen and I did not connect right away. Having the “new girlfriend” reach out to the “baby’s-mama” is not the norm but I didn’t care. I knew it was necessary in order to establish healthy relationships. I continued to communicate with Kristen to help her understand my “why”. As a woman and a mother, how could I possibly expect Little Brian and Savannah to love and respect me if I don’t accept and respect the most important person in their life, their mom. In my mind, to say that I loved Brian also meant I loved his kids and their mother.

Of course, my friends and family told me that I shouldn’t try to talk with the ex-wife because it would just create drama. Although I understood their point of view, the advice that was given just didn’t settle well in my heart. I decided that we would be different.

On our wedding day, Brian and I wrote vows for our kids and shared it with our guest. We promised to love them, be fair, honest and available just as we are for each other, promising not to replace anyone (their other parent) and to love and support each of them as if they were our own. As a step mom it was so easy for me to embrace Little Brian and Savannah as my own and Brian felt the same about Ekiah. I know that they may not have my eyes and my smile, but from that first moment they both had my heart.

By putting our kids first, we have been able to create a loving home that includes our kids’ parents who we love very much. When our oldest, Ekiah went off to college in Philadelphia, we visited often and stayed with Ekiah’s father, Hezekiah, and his amazing wife, Leasha. When Ekiah was in Philadelphia, Leasha cared for Ekiah in my absence. Kristen and her husband, Gregory, visit often and stay in our home. We all celebrate holidays, birthdays and take vacations together, which the kids love!

I decided that I would never be a barrier between my step kids and their mom. The best part about our family is that we have all learned to love and respect each other for what we all bring to the table in supporting our kids. “Family is not defined by genes, it is built and maintained through love.” I am a proud mother of four beautiful children…Ekiah 22, Savannah 14, Brian 12, and Kadin Mack 5. I thank God for my family.