“New Normal: The Tragedy, Triggers and Triumph”
By: Samantha Casey
New normals are brought on after tragedy. Tragedy struck me Mother’s Day of 2012. While shopping for Mother’s Day cards at Walgreens my family was caught in the crossfire of a shooting and I was shot. It has been almost seven years since the accident and I can vividly remember looking at the gunman, the sound of bullets rittling the store, taking shelter in the bathroom, finding the hole in my dress, and other unsettling details. However, my new normal did not manifest until after the shooting and I tried to resume life as normal. The belief that I was safe in the world was shattered.
Prior to the shooting I was naive to evil in the world or that even I, a young, studious, well-behaved Christian would come face to face with it. When I think back on it now, I am reminded that as Christians we are not exempt from suffering. The Christian walk does not promise that we won’t suffer. However, it does promise that in Jesus we will have peace in the midst of our suffering (John 16:33). Just as I can remember the unsettling details I can also remember the moments I had peace. I remember that as I was airlifted to the hospital songs of praise and worship were on my heart and I could feel God’s presence. I knew before getting to the hospital I would be okay. I could also remember that when I was discharged from the hospital there was a waiting room full of family and friends waiting for me and I knew I would not be on this journey alone.
The reality of my new normal can still be crippling and learning to cope in triggering situations has proven to be the toughest. The most innocent situations can send me back to the card aisle at Walgreens. A suspicious person at the gas station, an uneasy glare at a convenience store, or large groups at the mall can all bring me extreme discomfort and fear. While it is frustrating to deal with, I also have to show myself grace, a concept I learned from my mom. I have to accept what happened to me, forgive myself when I react out of anxiety, and love myself through the fear. Practicing self-compassion is not easy but it is healing. I have to make a conscious effort to choose peace of mind, joy, and freedom daily.
I am still learning to deal with the loss of my old self, manage existing in a world that has forever changed me, and live a full life when anxiety and tormenting thoughts invade my mind. Even writing this blog post proved to be difficult as I still find myself to be in disbelief that this could happen to me. Life will never be the same for me but I find victory that I kept my promise to myself. I’ve remained focused not fearful, determined not destroyed, pursued my dreams and didn’t doubt the possibilities in store for me. I am victorious; I chose to live and not die.
