By Toni Jones
My name is Toni Jones and I have been invited to share with you “my story” on Friendship and a Lasting Marriage. I may not quote scriptures, but I’m mindful of what the word of God says about honoring my husband (my priest), my marriage and being a virtuous woman.
I’m blessed to be married to my “best friend” for 40 years this month (May 2018). We were friends prior to getting married. We shared some of the same values, principles, hopes and dreams, so after 3 years of dating we got married. What is amazing to me even now is that after being together some 40+ years we’re still best friends and he still gives me butterflies (hee-hee).
A very important and distinctive attribute in our relationship is communication. Now, it took a while for me to be open and free to talk about how I really felt regarding certain matters in the relationship, but through perseverance and repetition we have both learned how to effectively communicate with each other. Effective communication is such a key element in maintaining a healthy, loving and lasting relationship, and its pivotal in being best friends. Without it, you’re setting yourselves up for hurt, pain and unnecessary heartache. Sisters, no one said that having a loving and lasting relationship was easy, but it is well worth the time to invest in having open dialogue with your life partner; so you can remain best friends and maintain your best friend status.
You must be resilient and willing to make changes (as does your mate) for the betterment of the relationship.
Another element that I’ve seen that can cause detriment to a lasting marriage is your girlfriend, your homie, your chick, your road dawg. Ladies, I implore you DO NOT LET YOUR GIRLFRIENDS come between you and your husband. And definitely monitor your relationship with your single friends. Hanging out with your girls too often, getting “turnt up”, droppin’ it like it’s hot, is not a good idea. Remember, you’re married and can’t do the things they indulge in. And more than likely, you will do something that you will regret later which could damage your relationship with your spouse. Damage that may not be able to be repaired or restored. You will look back and say to yourself “it wasn’t worth sacrificing all that I had for ????” Many of you know this already, but sometimes it’s good to be reminded.
Sisters, if its attention that you are looking for, let your best friend know, communicate. Be creative in getting his attention, use your charm and charisma. What was it that attracted him to you when you first met him? Try to re-create that moment, that time. Try some spicy lingerie, create a seductive atmosphere in your bedroom or explore new places, play soft music, light some candles, have a glass of wine, a candle lite dinner, etc. Let’s face it, sometimes we take our relationships for granted and stop caring about our appearance when we go to bed, etc. Invest some time by creating opportunities to spend quality time together. Make it fun and exciting. If you can’t think of anything to keep the relationship exciting, I’ll share a date night we had recently.
I went out with some friends for a birthday celebration and after I was dressed my husband said you look very nice.
He told me he wanted to go dancing sometime too. So, the next weekend, we did some role playing. I told him to meet me at a local club (BUT, we would act like we didn’t know each other). He got dressed and met me there. I put on his favorite dress, some cute shoes and a wig, and met him at the club. He walked over to me after I sat down and started using his Mac Daddy lingo (too funny) and we had the kind of conversation like when you first meet someone. The band was taking too long to get started, so we decided to leave (still role playing) and he walked me to my car. He asked me to go to dinner with him and afterwards invited me to “his” house. I agreed to go and check out his digs, listen to some music, do a little slow dancing with this handsome man I just met. And then…….BAMM! Fill in blanks.
So, ladies, you can add some spice to your relationship if it has become mundane and kind of dry. Just, take some time to give it a little TLC to rejuvenate it. Stop looking for love in all the wrong places, when it’s right in front of you. He will be excited, and you will too.
I pray that what I’ve shared with you will spark something in you or remind you that what you have is valuable and worth fighting for. As my Sister friend Jewel Diamond Taylor says….”Don’t give up.”
Be blessed!
