“Finding my Voice”
By: Destiny Muse
I knew I had a problem when I purchased a $199 teeth whitening product, with only $229 in my bank account to last me a week, at a kiosk in the middle of the mall because “I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.”
It may sound a bit dramatic but my white teeth and the smile I constantly wore to make other people comfortable changed my entire life. It started small but that day I decided I would always advocate for myself at those dang mall kiosks!
All jokes aside, I spent the majority of my life catering to other people’s emotions while never finding the value in my own. I would never tell the lady in the drive through my fries were cold.
The lady at the nail shop, my nail was crooked.
The coworker, that her comment was disrespectful.
The friend, that I felt unimportant.
The lover, that he couldn’t treat me any way he pleased.
I lost my voice somewhere between being told
“You are TOO much”
“You are TOO emotional”
“All that talk makes you look aggressive”
I believed those voices and allowed them to shut me up for years. I didn’t realize who I was, made them uncomfortable. I allowed myself to shrink to protect their fragile egos. I lost not only my voice but my entire identity, in fear of upsetting people who never advocating for me. I took on the burden of insecurities I never had the responsibility of fixing in the first place.
It cost me a lot before I realized I MATTER TOO!
It was an uncomfortable process, I had allowed people to believe I was someone that I was not so when the truth came out things got weird. People don’t mind you speaking up for yourself as long as it doesn’t interrupt their agenda. I can not blame the people around me for becoming upset because I created the standard for how they treated me and now I was taking the responsibility of changing it. Some people grew with me and some people outgrew me but I made space for people who would always allow me to be me.
I think finding your voice, is about so much more than just speaking up for yourself. It’s about living authentically and being able to communicate your truth. It’s when you decide who you are MATTERS. So before you can find your voice, you have to find your truth.
Examine who you are, be honest about the things that make you uncomfortable, the things that hurt you, the things that make you happy and then decide what you want and set parameters around your life that allows for nothing different.
Learn to say NO, “no is a complete sentence” and requires no explantion.
Share your story, your truth is beautiful and the people who need you will find comfort in your voice.
Tell them you love them. Don’t be afraid to take a risk, the truths of our hearts were meant to be shared.
Find the right people to share it with.
Sometimes I still get got at the dang kiosk in the middle of the mall but I no longer wear my white teeth and smile to make other people comfortable, I wear it because I am finally comfortable.
SOCIAL MEDIA
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