“Empty Nester”
By: Dr. Edward C. Bush
I was fascinated for 18 years at the concept of an “Empty Nest”. This was a conscious thought since the birth of my two children. In retrospect, perhaps being married at the age of 22 and entering into the marriage already with our first child I relished the thought of having time with just me and my wife. The only life I knew as an adult man was married with children. I was raised to believe that as a man you sacrifice and put yourself last in order to make sure that the needs of your family are taken care of first. If by chance there was something left, then it was your turn.
We philosophically believed and made an effort to make our martial relationship a priority. Our intentions to invest adequate time with each other much less having “attention centered on me”, buckled under the weight of the needs of the children. I was in this unspoken competition with my own children for the time and attention from my wife.
Out of this context I posit that my intense intrigue that I had around having an empty nest was rooted in the idea that now it’s finally My Turn and the competition is over. It’s now my turn to have my wife’s full attention and to be the number one priority. Moreover, being in position to move yourself closer to front of the having-your-needs-met line by being able to do what you want when you want it all the while significantly reducing the amount of work that you have to put in because the job is done!
When we sent our two children off to college (out of the State) and seeing my wife cry I realized I had a latent joy that my wife didn’t have. It was a joy that only comes when men think about sex and no drama.
I am in year 4 of the empty nest experiment and having an empty nest is great for many varied reasons, but it has not met the expectations that I (emphasis on the word “I” because I have not bothered to ask my wife about her thoughts) had in my head.
Below are the top four valuable lessons I have learned during my time as an empty nester.
- I have to atone for spending too much time over the years prior to my children romanticizing about having an empty nest then planning for it by having conversation with my wife about how we want to live without the children and hearing her hopes and expectations and her needs that she felt was ignored while raising children.
- Just because the children are not in the home physically their presence still looms large. The competition for attention doesn’t end (lol).
- I created a false identity around being the “bigger” person because I sacrificed for my family by always putting myself last.
- If you want mind blowing sex around the house you have to work for it.
