Friendship & a Lasting Marriage

By Toni Jones

My name is Toni Jones and I have been invited to share with you “my story” on Friendship and a Lasting Marriage. I may not quote scriptures, but I’m mindful of what the word of God says about honoring my husband (my priest), my marriage and being a virtuous woman.

I’m blessed to be married to my “best friend” for 40 years this month (May 2018). We were friends prior to getting married. We shared some of the same values, principles, hopes and dreams, so after 3 years of dating we got married. What is amazing to me even now is that after being together some 40+ years we’re still best friends and he still gives me butterflies (hee-hee).

A very important and distinctive attribute in our relationship is communication. Now, it took a while for me to be open and free to talk about how I really felt regarding certain matters in the relationship, but through perseverance and repetition we have both learned how to effectively communicate with each other. Effective communication is such a key element in maintaining a healthy, loving and lasting relationship, and its pivotal in being best friends. Without it, you’re setting yourselves up for hurt, pain and unnecessary heartache. Sisters, no one said that having a loving and lasting relationship was easy, but it is well worth the time to invest in having open dialogue with your life partner; so you can remain best friends and maintain your best friend status.

You must be resilient and willing to make changes (as does your mate) for the betterment of the relationship.

Another element that I’ve seen that can cause detriment to a lasting marriage is your girlfriend, your homie, your chick, your road dawg. Ladies, I implore you DO NOT LET YOUR GIRLFRIENDS come between you and your husband. And definitely monitor your relationship with your single friends. Hanging out with your girls too often, getting “turnt up”, droppin’ it like it’s hot, is not a good idea. Remember, you’re married and can’t do the things they indulge in. And more than likely, you will do something that you will regret later which could damage your relationship with your spouse. Damage that may not be able to be repaired or restored. You will look back and say to yourself “it wasn’t worth sacrificing all that I had for ????” Many of you know this already, but sometimes it’s good to be reminded.

Sisters, if its attention that you are looking for, let your best friend know, communicate. Be creative in getting his attention, use your charm and charisma. What was it that attracted him to you when you first met him? Try to re-create that moment, that time. Try some spicy lingerie, create a seductive atmosphere in your bedroom or explore new places, play soft music, light some candles, have a glass of wine, a candle lite dinner, etc. Let’s face it, sometimes we take our relationships for granted and stop caring about our appearance when we go to bed, etc. Invest some time by creating opportunities to spend quality time together. Make it fun and exciting. If you can’t think of anything to keep the relationship exciting, I’ll share a date night we had recently.

I went out with some friends for a birthday celebration and after I was dressed my husband said you look very nice.

He told me he wanted to go dancing sometime too. So, the next weekend, we did some role playing. I told him to meet me at a local club (BUT, we would act like we didn’t know each other). He got dressed and met me there. I put on his favorite dress, some cute shoes and a wig, and met him at the club. He walked over to me after I sat down and started using his Mac Daddy lingo (too funny) and we had the kind of conversation like when you first meet someone. The band was taking too long to get started, so we decided to leave (still role playing) and he walked me to my car. He asked me to go to dinner with him and afterwards invited me to “his” house. I agreed to go and check out his digs, listen to some music, do a little slow dancing with this handsome man I just met. And then…….BAMM! Fill in blanks.

So, ladies, you can add some spice to your relationship if it has become mundane and kind of dry. Just, take some time to give it a little TLC to rejuvenate it. Stop looking for love in all the wrong places, when it’s right in front of you. He will be excited, and you will too.

I pray that what I’ve shared with you will spark something in you or remind you that what you have is valuable and worth fighting for. As my Sister friend Jewel Diamond Taylor says….”Don’t give up.”

Be blessed!

Being YOU Authentically

By Marcia Hunter

BE YOU… Be Yourself… Just be yourself…plays through my mind like echoes of childhood nostalgia. As a child, it seemed so easy to do. Just Be myself.

And as I began to take on the mantra, of being myself I learned early on in grade school, that being myself was not easy to do if I wanted to fit in. So I did the opposite, as I tried to disguise myself in order to be part of a group. Just Be Yourself, as I tried to mask myself for boys to notice me, for popularity, for friendships, for relationships.

As I became older I started to take more of myself off, and put more of who I wasn’t on for the approval of other people. I did this for so long, that I really never gained a true self identity.

I hid who I really was so that people would like me, so that people would think a certain way about me, so that people would want to be around me (how controlling of me). Truth, is they still didn’t like me at times, and I didn’t always fit in, so that strategy didn’t work out for me. But I had done this for so long that as an adult, I didn’t know who I was. How can a person be authentic if they don’t even know who they are?

So now, here I am at 40, on a journey of self-discovery and I am learning a few new things:

1. Being me is being the best me, while still figuring out who I am. Sometimes the journey is not always comfortable, but knowing it is ok to be uncomfortable and necessary for growth: to be Challenged

2. To accept and acknowledge that not all days I have MY shit together, and knowing that it’s okay: to be Transparent.

3. TO cry sometimes, that I hurt sometimes, that I go through emotional rollercoasters rides sometimes, screaming with hands up: to be Courageous.

4. Knowing that in a world driven by social media madness, that I don’t define myself by false descriptors of what beautiful is, of what happiness is, of what love is. That I don’t place false value on the number of likes and views. That true value, and true worth is measured through my good deeds, is measured by how I made a difference to someone, how I handled a bad situation, and how I impacted others: to be Valuable

5 Being authentic is staying true to who I am and not giving a f_ck about what other people think, because in reality what they think is really none of my business anyway: to be Unapologetic

So to be Challenged, Transparent, Courageous, Valuable and Unapologetic, to me is being you authentically.

“La Dolce Vita, and IT IS so sweet”

By: Jennel Brooks Lucatelli

One of my earliest memories was a vision I had as a little girl. I used to see myself going to another country alone and learning how to adjust and learn a language. This may sound scary to some, but to me it was thrilling, risky, bold and seemed to be the greatest adventure ever. Little did I know, God was giving me a sneak peek into my future. By the age of 25, I had done most of the things I wanted to do, and life was bringing me to a new crossroad. I started having a strong desire to see the world. My best friend Ubah who had moved to the states from Sweden was also a strong influence at this pivotal chapter in my life. We grew up on different continents, but had so much in common. I began to think about how many other people and cultures I could meet and possibly bond with. I had lived and experienced working and doing what I thought was my “dream job”, yet there was still a void. So, because I was single and an adult, free to do whatever I wanted, I decided to commit to traveling out of the U.S. at least once a year. I sacrificed shopping like so many of my friends did, and only bought things as needed. I forfeited buying the latest and greatest technologies. I told myself I would spend my money on travel; and that’s just what I did.
Every year I went somewhere new. The first place was Mexico, then the Bahamas, then my European adventures began. What these experience taught me was that for one, I wasn’t alone.
So many others were already living this reality at such a young age. Second, I realized life was not what I thought it was (from the average perspective of an American) and third, it became clear how blessed I was to live in America and how many opportunities and freedoms I had just from being born in The U.S. I had also learned to overcome any self-consciousness and any remnants of shyness. There was no wiggle room. I had to speak to strangers, I had to ask for help, and to use my hands with any other tools I had to communicate when I didn’t have the words. I learned how amazing, giving, compassionate and welcoming complete strangers can be from all nationalities and walks of life. I learned how we all have so many things in common even when living in different worlds.
One thing that was not only surprising, but also humbling was how cultured we are from our own counties. Our outlooks are so small. Those things we don’t even think twice about are a direct reflection of where we were raised. I assumed everyone did everyday life the way we Americans do. This was so far from the truth.
Some things I admire about the American life. A lot of things I don’t. What I now understand is that we can create the life we want. Travel has broadened my perspective and has shown me all the possibilities and ideas I can make my own. Now that I’m married with a family of my own, I try and bring all those aspects into my home. I consider my family multi-cultured. Not only because my husband is Italian and I’m American now living in Florence Italy, but also because I’ve taken little pieces of my travels and made them my own. I’ve also changed the way I see life as an American. I don’t believe in living to work. I work to support my family and have a comfortable life, but the culture I’m now living in has taught me the true meaning of La Dolce Vita, and IT IS so sweet. Italians are into living just as much as they are into eating! My son is already traveling from country to country, and I will encourage him to continue when he’s an adult and to appreciate the different philosophies the world has to offer and to take the pure and the good from each experience.
I still have lots of the world to see and lots to learn, but I will do so with an open heart and open mind. I will adopt the things that are lovely, healthy, wise and productive from all the people and experiences I have yet to come.

What is Confidence

By: Eboni Freeman

Confidence means feeling sure of yourself and your abilities — not in an arrogant way, but in a realistic, secure way. Confidence isn’t about feeling superior to others. It’s a quiet inner knowledge that you’re capable. Confident people feel secure rather than insecure.

If you can visualize yourself as confident then it’s attainable. Also, consistently speak positive affirmations over yourself. Positive self-talk creates an atmosphere of positive energy. Being courageous and actually following through on things that initially scare you is one sure way to increase your confidence. Other ideas such as setting yourself up for the win, helping others along the way and self-care increases confidence.

Happiness is a critical element of confidence, because in order to be confident in what you do, you have to be happy with who you are.

Since childhood I can say that I’ve been a pretty confident person. At a young age I didn’t think of it in those terms, but as I look back over my life, self-confidence and the belief that I had in myself helped me push through many life circumstances. I grew up knowing I wanted to become an educator and after encountering both my 1st and 3rd grade teachers Ms. Norell and Mrs. Ball the visual image formulated in my mind. They were the most beautiful and elegant teachers I had ever met. They were firm and loving at the same time, but they carried themselves with such confidence and I wanted to be just like them. Although I didn’t know then, they were the confirmation to what I visualized for myself as I stood in the hallway of my apartment with my dolls and teddy bears lined up along the wall as if they were my students. The funny part is I was only in 1st grade when I taught my first “class”. I later became an elementary school teacher. Confident people set goals and crush them.

Transitioning to Jr. High, the most awkward stage in growing up, my confidence level went on a rollercoaster ride. I moved from Los Angeles to Rancho Cucamonga and struggled to find my place. Not very many kids look like me. I spent a lot of time fighting, constantly defending myself and also putting others down. On the other hand, I was meeting new people and establishing friendships that still exists to this day. Hey! Don’t judge me. I told you Jr. High was awkward. That time period was all about self-discovery.

My Jr. High experience helped me to prepare for the relationship and experiences that I would encounter in High School. For the most part I was able to meet and socialize with others in various settings. I was happy with me. Many of my friends carried that same fire and confidence as I did. Self-confident people surround themselves with like-minded people. In order to better learn how to be self-confident you should surround yourself with people that already are. There were times that others weren’t comfortable with me. This is especially important and makes me reflect back to my high school days as a cheerleader and dancer. I was one of the only black girls that participated consistently and others always tried to put me down or attempted to make me feel a certain way about why I participated in those activities. Self-confident people know that what they want from life won’t be the same as what someone else wants. You don’t need anyone’s approval to live the life you want. Be proud of what you want and be willing to make it happen despite anyone else’s opinion or criticism. During these times, I had to draw from the self-confidence that was inside of me. I was secure in the fact that it was ok for me to do activities that I enjoyed. But on the flip side I have had moments that I felt a lack of confidence, but that usually occurs when I am acting outside of my core values or when I’m not being true to who I am.

Knowing your worth is critical and it’s an essential characteristic of a person with self- confidence. Make yourself a priority. When you start making yourself a priority, you’ll instantly feel more confident because you’re showing yourself how important and worthy YOU are. It starts with the belief that you have in yourself and when others compliment you it’s not awkward to receive them without doubting their intentions. Be in tune with your body and your needs. Make a conscious decision to participate in activities that you enjoy without feeling guilty, whether that means making time for your favorite dance class, getting more sleep, or preparing more home-cooked meals. It’s not uncommon to find me at my favorite nail salon, massage parlor, shopping mall, social events, church or just simply relaxing on a regular basis.

Embracing who I am as a confident woman has helped me realize my purpose! Confidence is not perfection. Getting to the point where you truly have self-confidence doesn’t happen overnight, but your experiences help to shape how you view yourself. I view myself as a masterpiece and all masterpieces are uniquely different. My self-confidence allows me to look beyond my flaws and accept who I am in all aspects of my life. I experience plenty of setbacks and failures, but I don’t stop there. I bounce back, readjust and strategically plan my next move.

Self Care is Self Love

By Porsche George AMFT

As a child you hear that “beauty is skin deep or beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Growing up I was surrounded by a large family that showed love and support to one another. As I grew up viewing love, I thought I had a great idea of what it was and how to improve self-love towards myself, was something that came naturally because of my experience as a child. It wasn’t until middle school came around where my self-love was questioned. Self-love is defined as regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.

My middle school days was a point in time where self-love and beauty was a reflection “of the beholder.” At that time beauty included light skin tones, name brand clothing and being a part of the popular crowd. This caused me to question my identity, not think I was pretty/beautiful and decreased my self-love because of the bullying and negative comments about being too dark, teeth being big and not having the name brand clothing. As time continued and I matured I started to invest in myself by being surrounded by people who added to my life and could value me for who I am. Years passed by and I remained busy with educational activities, sports, and hanging with peers where we started to define our own Self-love and attempted to not let society dictate what beauty was, which at times was difficult.

When it comes to my self-love currently I am able to be open with myself and share areas that I am strong and those in which I struggle. It has always been consistent that I love to socialize and love to converse with others.

The mission for my self-love is hope, improving self, and a life helping those in need along the way. Some of the examples that I say to myself and shows in my actions are:

“I like to talk.”

“I want to know how to be the best me I can be/successful.”

“I regret not being consistent at times.”

“I’m always looking for ways to earn more money.”

“I am best when I am at my happiest.”

These responses show the passion, drive and hope for a better life and how I try to achieve it. Within each of the responses it gives a better overview of the perception of self and self-love.

If you take anything from me know that Self-love is a feeling, a way of life, it helps you fight through the difficult times, and it helps you expand your view and perspective on life.

“The Power of a Good Blend” By Euridici Fitz, M.Ed.

When people encounter my family I often hear comments like… “I don’t know how she does it!”, “She’s crazy…there is no way!”, “Wow!”…and the list goes on. I finally came to the conclusion that they don’t understand the power of the love that fuels our unique situation.

It was in July of 2009 when I met Brian Fitz, a single dad of two adorable kids. Savannah was five and Brian was three. I too was single raising my beautiful daughter, Ekiah, age thirteen. Months after dating Brian, I lost one of the loves of my life to suicide, my brother, Mack. I was heartbroken, distant, and angry. I was definitely not in the right emotional state to fall in love or be loved. During this time, God revealed Brian’s heart and spirit to me. Brian was my rock and gave me exactly what I needed to push through. After the dust settled, I knew I loved this man.

Before things went any further, I informed Brian that my daughter’s father, Hezekiah and I were co-parenting. I wanted Brian to be clear about Hezekiah’s involvement before investing any more time. Brian wholeheartedly wanted to continue the relationship. I informed Brian that I needed to get acquainted with his ex-wife, Kristen, for the sake of their kids. As you can imagine, Brian had to process this a lot longer. After some convincing, Brian understood that my objective was not to create drama rather healthy relationships between the adults and our kids.

Kristen and I did not connect right away. Having the “new girlfriend” reach out to the “baby’s-mama” is not the norm but I didn’t care. I knew it was necessary in order to establish healthy relationships. I continued to communicate with Kristen to help her understand my “why”. As a woman and a mother, how could I possibly expect Little Brian and Savannah to love and respect me if I don’t accept and respect the most important person in their life, their mom. In my mind, to say that I loved Brian also meant I loved his kids and their mother.

Of course, my friends and family told me that I shouldn’t try to talk with the ex-wife because it would just create drama. Although I understood their point of view, the advice that was given just didn’t settle well in my heart. I decided that we would be different.

On our wedding day, Brian and I wrote vows for our kids and shared it with our guest. We promised to love them, be fair, honest and available just as we are for each other, promising not to replace anyone (their other parent) and to love and support each of them as if they were our own. As a step mom it was so easy for me to embrace Little Brian and Savannah as my own and Brian felt the same about Ekiah. I know that they may not have my eyes and my smile, but from that first moment they both had my heart.

By putting our kids first, we have been able to create a loving home that includes our kids’ parents who we love very much. When our oldest, Ekiah went off to college in Philadelphia, we visited often and stayed with Ekiah’s father, Hezekiah, and his amazing wife, Leasha. When Ekiah was in Philadelphia, Leasha cared for Ekiah in my absence. Kristen and her husband, Gregory, visit often and stay in our home. We all celebrate holidays, birthdays and take vacations together, which the kids love!

I decided that I would never be a barrier between my step kids and their mom. The best part about our family is that we have all learned to love and respect each other for what we all bring to the table in supporting our kids. “Family is not defined by genes, it is built and maintained through love.” I am a proud mother of four beautiful children…Ekiah 22, Savannah 14, Brian 12, and Kadin Mack 5. I thank God for my family.

SISTERHood By: Dr Jenise Bush

The unbreakable bond of Sisterhood is one that I can confidently rely to hold me up whenever I feel weak from the complexities of Life. The Laughter and Comfort of my Sisters feeds my inner soul whenever I am hungry for encouragement and support. My Sisters encourage me to walk tall and confidant while on this journey called life.

Sisterhood begins first with how I see myself and what I have to offer to the community of women I encounter.

Sisterhood does NOT necessarily mean “friendship”. Sisterhood is a mutual respect and responsibility to take care of those in the community. It is not in our God given nature to disassociate ourselves from one another as women. As women we each carry our own unique divine energy that can be extremely powerful as a Unit. Recognizing the power in another woman should empower you to recognize the Power within yourself.

We are not put in the World to receive but to GIVE.

Sisterhood requires giving unconditionally with no expectation to receive anything in return. Sisterhood is about putting in the work and reciprocation. When you are truly operating under this philosophy you will find yourself surrounded by kind, beautiful, strong and loving women. You will find yourself offering acts of service to another woman because there is a shared commonality that brings you together as women, not necessarily friends or family relation.

Sisterhood requires us to look at the whole person and take in to consideration the reason for the behavior.

In high school there were girls I encountered that had made up their mind about me, although they had never had a conversation with me. They had never been to my house or hung out with me but their opinion of me was formed based on how I walked and how I looked. In 1986 my perception of Sisterhood began to form and shape based on my experiences from the treatment of the women I encountered. “I don’t like her; she is conceited; she is stuck up; she thinks she’s cute”.

I remember the pain as I cried to my mother and grandmother asking “why don’t they like me?’

32 years ago, long before the term bullying, we were taught, “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me”! So I was instructed to hold my head up, walk tall and ignore those girls. My maternal grandmother doing the best she could to encourage said: “If they are talking about you they are thinking about you”.

We have to unlearn what we have been taught. We have to detox and unclutter our brains from the pains of the past.

Our definition of Sisterhood cannot be limited to and defined by the negativity or pain we have experienced from those around us who simply do not know better.

Moving Forward, don’t believe the Hype! Sisterhood Reality is not the “television reality”. Sisterhood must not be defined by our past relationships with the women that have hurt us, left us, or disappointed us. Sisterhood is much bigger than our biology, DNA and family of Origin.

Make a conscious effort to find the good in every woman you encounter. We are simply reflections of each other. You are a reflection of the women around you. The words you speak out of your mouth about other women are a reflection of who you are. Thus, if you feel you cannot trust your sister, then ask yourself can you be trusted? If you feel she is jealous of you, ask yourself, who are you jealous of? If you are annoyed by her flaws, reflect on your personal self-talk and how you view your flaws?

Sisterhood is revealed and experienced from your Soul.

The Divine Essence within us that allows us to see the God in every woman we encounter. There is a foundation of trust knowing that this is your responsibility to the community of women in your life.

Sisterhood is taught and led by example. Pastor LaQuetta Simmons teaches the Women she leads: “I don’t care if you like each other, but you must LOVE each other”.

When you know better, you do better. My Sister DO BETTER!

Our Experiences with Counseling

“You Need Therapy”

“You need therapy!” What does that sound like? An insult? A call to action? Below are important reasons I say this phrase to people regularly and why we should all find a great therapist.

By the time my teenage years came around, depression was nothing new. I had struggled with my body image for my whole life and everyone who I talked with about it said my feelings were “totally normal” and “all girls my age feel a little insecure about their body”; “Suck It Up” was the message. It took me constantly missing school and disconnecting from my friends for my dad to make an appointment. However, by that point I was comfortable with my depression; it was settled in and had no reason to go anywhere. Needless to say this therapist had no chance of helping me. Mostly, because they didn’t want to, but partially, because I didn’t want their help.

I had a moment of clarity in which I called her; but after reaching out they neither answered nor returned my call.

I know this seems like a bleak story about a therapist relationship gone wrong but I needed this experience to appreciate what was coming.

When I made my cry for help as dramatic as possible my parents checked me into a mental hospital for over a week. There I had to break out of my shell and figure out how to battle with my mental illness. It was hard. In the hospital they give you a strict routine, monitor your meals, and use “booty juice” if you get out of hand (it’s a mild sedative, which I never had to have, thankfully) but the time taught me a lot about myself and looking back it was the most necessary experience of my life. After my week long stay in the hospital, I was invited to an outpatient group of teens that met for a few hours after school three days a week; and after graduating from the program, I had the opportunity to come back one day a week. I loved the growth I saw in myself AND every other person in the group. We all had different struggles and coping methods, but in the end we were all trying to get better. Additionally, we felt safe to experiment with our lives and talk about what did and did not work with our therapist in a judgement free place.

Now that I’m an adult, my relationship with my then therapist has shifted, and she is now my life coach, and if I ever need to talk to someone she has my trust. But, if I needed to find someone to go to that is geographically closer to me I would have the confidence to know my standard of therapy. These stories emphasize why getting a therapist early, when you’re first struggling is so important. Whether you’re a teenager struggling with anxiety, a parent wanting to know the best way to raise your kid or anything in-between; having someone who is not impacted by your decisions and can reflect your thoughts back to you is a helpful way to better your life. It was not always easy, but for me, it was worth the journey.

Elizabeth Gibbons

“My Perspective On Counseling”

My story begins back in 2011. I was happily married to Tom, the love of my life, for 13 years. We had two beautiful daughters one in 3rd grade, the other in kindergarten. Then one day the unimaginable happened. I was suddenly widowed at 40 years old. My husband had a massive heart attack and I was left to pick up the pieces and raise my girls alone. It wasn’t easy. I felt as though I was in a fog for the first two years after his passing. Tom was my soulmate. He was the person who got me through the loss of my father in 1997, then my mother five years later in 2002. In 2004 I was diagnosed with stage 3A breast cancer. Charlotte was four months old at the time. Tom was there at every chemotherapy treatment and every radiation treatment holding my hand and telling me everything was going to be all right. To say I was devastated at losing him in 2011 would be an understatement.

I knew the girls needed to talk to someone other than myself about the loss of their Dad. The girls did see a psychologist for awhile but I didn’t feel it was the right fit. Fast forward almost 3 1/2 years later, I was referred to Therapist “X”. At this time, my youngest Charlotte, had some anger issues that needed to be addressed. Therapist “X” met with her once a week and after a few months, I could see how much better she started to feel.

I would move heaven and earth to get my girls the help they needed but I never once thought of getting help myself. I always thought I could “do it on my own.” I was reluctant to make the investment in myself. I know that when Therapist “X” asked to start seeing me in her counseling sessions, I was hesitant. I can honestly say that after almost 3 years, it has been the best experience not only for me but for my girls. They have someone other than my family (my sisters and brother) to listen to them without bias or judgment. I think hearing advice from someone outside your family circle can be helpful. Counseling for the three of us has been life-changing. I have to thank Therapist “X” for her sound advice and for pushing me out of my comfort zone.

Initially when I began to see Therapist “X”, I can remember a session where she asked if I was living or was I just breathing. What I think she meant is was I living my life to its full potential? Absolutely not. I was doing the latter. I was breathing and just trying to get through each day without the person who I loved with every fiber of my being.

I have gained so much in these past three years with Therapist “X” as our counselor. She has pushed me beyond my comfort zones, she’s enhanced my personal development and has assisted me in taking certain areas of my life to the next level.

Something I have always loved to do is take pictures. I just recently went back to school Mount San Antonio College and I’m now taking a photography class (thank you, Therapist “X”).

This was one of my goals for this year. Going back to school after so many years is terrifying but I know like anything else, I can and will get through it.

One of the biggest things counseling has done for me is it has helped me be a better mom. I’m no longer stressed, depressed or bitter. Counseling has helped me in ways I never dreamed possible. I will forever be grateful for her role in helping my family heal.

Pilar Gallagher

My Warrior Life™ Tip…

Following My Heart

“Following My Heart”

It’s days like today when I truly know my WHY. These last few weeks have been rough emotionally. When I closed the door to my office last Thursday evening I was relieved that it was my last night in the office for the week. I was relieved that I had a day to recharge before starting my weekend. And even though these last few weeks have been rough emotionally, because of all that my clients have been going through, I still wouldn’t change what I do for a living. Being a clinician (therapist) is not only what I do but an extension of who I am.

Ponder this, we send almost 60% of our day, “At work,” and there are so many women that absolutely loathe what they do for a living. Many of us have gotten trapped in careers and working jobs that do nothing for us other than provide stability in the form of a stable income. Now don’t get me wrong a stable income is absolutely amazing; yet when we spend 60% of our day doing something that we are not fond of, nor brings us joy, money is not enough to sustain us. If money isn’t enough to sustain us, why do we stay stuck in careers and work jobs that do not fulfill us or bring us joy?

As a clinician I have learned that there are a lot of women that would rather stay miserable than follow their dreams. Because following your dream can be unpredictable, full of disappointments and lead to having to make decisions that are extremely uncomfortable. Isn’t that crazy, that many of us would prefer to be miserable instead of jumping and taking a chance? The sad part is when we don’t take a chance and we choose to live unfulfilled, we are opening ourselves up to unhealthy relationships, health problems, looking for escapes from our reality (drugs, affairs, or giving in to unhealthy impulsive behaviors) minimal to no social life, and a dependency or tendency to over indulge in food, alcohol & shopping.

For those women who express to me their desire to take the leap of faith and make the jump to follow their dreams; yet are afraid of the uncertainty that doing so brings, I say this,“I am so glad that the career path I chose is one I absolutely adore. On my worst days I love what I do, and on my best days I am in LOVE with what I do. And because of me choosing to follow my dreams I am not bitter, nor resentful, even when my days are long and hard, or when my weeks are tough emotionally. I still see the value in my choice to follow my dreams, #InSpiteOf all the disappointments, false starts and extremely uncomfortable decisions I’ve had to make along the way.”

So I leave you with this: choose YOU, choose to LIVE a life that is fulfilled and brings you JOY.

Take the leap of faith and JUMP!

Blessings,

Wendy Whitmore Founding Warrior

My Warrior Life™ Tips…

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear” – Jack Canfield

F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real

A Happy & Healthy Holiday

And We Are Back…

Life has taken myself & many of

T.H.E. My Warrior Life team members on quite the journey these last couple of weeks.

We thank you for all your prayers.

Have a Blessed Holiday,

Wendy & T.H.E. My Warrior Life Family

The holidays bring about so many wonderful things.

The music, the memories, family time, games, vacations, warm feelings and…. FOOD! This time of year is almost obsolete without the thought of turkey and Mac n cheese, pies and pastries, and other huge spreads of dishes that are endless. The plates and portions come in massive quantities and the left overs go on for days at a time. We are surrounded by love and all of the emotion that comes with it and everything we’ve ever known about food and self control goes out the window. The question becomes, how do we enjoy ourselves, while attempting not to over indulge to the point of a food coma crisis.

It can be quite overwhelming to think of all of the things that need to get done during this time of year and still remain conscious of our health BUT its a must. You don’t want to be scrambling at the top of the year trying to get it together; instead lets look at some simple things that you can be mindful of while still enjoying every part of this season.

First and foremost, BE mindful! I know, I know! What does that mean, what does it look like, how do we do that. It’s very simple, take a few moments for your self at the top of every morning to breathe, sit with yourself, reflect, journal, meditate, pray, ground, what ever you need to do to bring yourself back into your body. It’s vital during this time of year (and always) with all of the external stressors that tend to pop up. Practicing mindfulness is a wonderful source for manifesting and perpetuating peace in and through out your life. This trickles down into almost all of the other “hacks” I have for you this holiday season.

This leads us into checking our stress levels, and remaining aware of how we can be proactive in our actions this season, so that, things do not build to the point of overwhelm. When we practice mindfulness we allow a moment to check in with ourselves FIRST so that we can better check in with others. This time of year is filled with hearts full of giving; but remember you can’t pour from an empty glass, you must give from the overflow. Stress, often, leads to stress eating, in order to not spiral down that path we must be mindful, take responsibility, and be honest about where we are.

IT’S OK TO SAY NO!

Once we take account of where we are within the stress that this season can bring we can then stop and ask ourselves, “Why am I eating? What I’m eating?”

Speaking of managing stressors, one (of many) great ways to keep things in line is staying active. I know, its particularly hard when family is over to visit, the weather has changed, it’s now chilly outside and it feels SO good to stay under those covers all cuddled up BUT getting up and moving can and will significantly reduce the feeling of stress or overwhelm. If it is too cold to leave the house find workout videos online, pop in an old dvd, set a timer on your phone and get moving; it will give you time to yourself AND it will help to keep your body in great shape, making for a much better feeling healthy holiday season.

Although this is such a beautiful time of year, for many people it can bring about a deep yearning for connection and a heaviness due to the loss of loved ones. When it comes to the emotions and memories that fill our hearts, some joyful and some achingly painful, it is ok to be proactive and reach out to a professional seeking comfort through therapeutic measures. It’s ok, to not know what to do, it’s ok to feel what is showing up and it’s ok to ask for help. It can be very difficult and in order to stay well, we must do our best NOT to fill that emotional void with food or spending in excess or things that will not truly heal our souls but in turn add more stress. If you need to speak to someone there are abounding resources available to you! You are loved!

Now, I have just a few more things, that can help to get you through this season in a healthy and happy way. When it comes to the big meals, DO NOT starve yourself in hopes to enjoy those meals more. It is and can be detrimental to all of the progress you’ve made and truly hurt the internal workings of your digestive system. I have heard far too many people say, “I’m not eating 2 days before thanksgiving, so that I can make room for my meal” and although we laugh and it can sound funny, I have seen it done. This is a huge NO, if you are putting your best foot forward in your wellness journey. It can in fact backfire as your body now goes into actual starvation mode, hoarding and holding onto all of the unhealthy ingredients that have piled up not allowing your digestive system to truly work at an optimal level. Wake up, eat a balanced breakfast, have a nice lunch, and then enjoy your thanksgiving/Christmas dinner etc. That way your body stays at a normal eating level and you have less of a chance of over indulging on unhealthy things.

This may sound simple BUT a very easy hack to make sure that you do not go over the top is chewing your food fully, put it into practice and make it a habit. Most of us do not take the time to properly chew our food, therefore not giving our digestive enzymes a chance to work properly. We eat our food in a hurry and wonder why we still feel hungry 5 minutes later, it’s because we’re not chewing! You will be surprised at what a difference this will make in feeling better and as a bonus keeping those extra pounds off.

Speaking of not over doing it, we are always left over with TONS of leftovers. A great idea that I heard was to package all (or some) of those leftovers up and take them to a homeless shelter. Put this hack into place, save your body the damage that all of the extra food will do, AND help your community while doing it.

Lastly, if you’re going to indulge in a celebratory drink, make it a glass (or 2) of champagne and do away with the wines (white in particular) and the cocktails. The juices and mixers used to make these drinks are filled to the brim with sugars and processed ingredients, want to still enjoy the evening but cut the unnecessary calories, here’s a way to do it! I’m all about finding a harmonious balance, not separating the worlds of wellness and fun. You can have both, do both and be both all while remaining mindful of what you put into your body.

Take control of your health this holiday season, don’t let it take control of you. You are divinely whole and you deserve nothing but the best in and around you!

Cheers to a beautiful, healthy and joy filled season!

Warmly, Taylor Gordon T.H.E. Holistic Health Warrior

Connect W/Me @Divinely Wholesome